Bravo! Bappa

Do you want to win an award for excellence in film making? Okay, here's the made-easy:First you need a STORY. So find yourself a story. Sheaf through the newspapers and magazines and whacko — there you have your story.A girl being sold. Make that auctioned. Oops, A TRIBAL girl being auctioned. Bravo! Bappa. [Don't forget to keep those mags. Show their covers and sepia-toned newspaper clippings before the castline]
Oh! Oh! The city audience will get bored with 'tribal' stuff, did you stay? Fine, woo them. Tell them they are worse off than the tribal girls.Remember you are Indian? So highlight that. Say that the nation is casteist. The Upper Casts are a villainous lot. Make it understood that they hate DALITS and keeps shouting: "Tum Dalit log sala hamare meherbani pe ji rahe ho", or anything to that effect. It should kinda sound like Tom Alter as a firanf in any desi patritoc potboiler barking: "Tum Hindustani kala kutta, Thhooo". Bravo! Bappa.
Now, you need a screenplay. Okay okay, forget it. just jot down your STORY on a peice of paper and reach the location. You can always improvise, you see. Never mind. Bravo! Bappa.
Get yourself a camers and a cameraman. Call that chappy director of photography or cinematographer, whatever. That gives you some credo. The camera may shake. The object may be out of the frame. The light may fluctuate. Call them being REALISTIC. That still doen't explain bright floodlit jhopras supposed to be lit with lanterns. But never mind. Utna to chalta hai. Bravo! Bappa.

Now, the casting. Pick an out-of-work ex-model-turned-vamp to play the TRIBAL girl. Pick another out-of-work model to play the CITY girl. Remember, the TRIBAL girl needs to be dark complexioned (Suman Ranganathan) and the CITY girl (Perizaad Zorabian) has to be fair. Okay, make it all VILLAGEFOLKS have to dark and all CITYPEOPLE fair. Now this is important. Ask all of your actors not to act. For realism's sake. Never mind if they all look wooden — that's how real life people look, don't they? What, you say you need an item-song. That's a great idea. Bravo! Bappa.
Okay, now the final stage. Prepare some publicity stills that will showcause the vioelnce, the penury of the TRIBAL girl. Show them that you are doing it for a social cause. Ask the CITY girl to look constipated. Job done. Goddammit! The STORY start's with the TRIBAL girl's narration and ends with the CITY girl's. Okay, I got it. That shows the similarity in their condition. Name it after the TRIBAL girl (Devaki). What? The STORY is about inequality meted out towards all women, you say. Cut the crap yaar! Who cares? Even you don't, right?
Bravo! Bappa.

Sudhir Mishra on Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
All ye Hazaaron lovers, here's something from the horse's mouth: http://www.musicindiaonline.com/ar/i/movie_name/879/3/director/1307/

Bihar is back to being Bihar
They said Nitish has thorns as a crown. Why so, was bloody clear yesterday when six Mahato villagers were butchered merely a few kilometres away from capital Patna.
http://www.indianexpress.com/full_story.php?content_id=85141

HAPPY NEW YEAR
This December we all were planning for our 31st night party. This December Bt cotton forced 64 farmers to commit suicide.
Here's hoping this time their counterparts have a Happy New year.